Ladies and Gentlemen -

With little more than a week away from the opening kickoff of our 2008 College Football Season, it got me thinking about our passion for our teams, our colors, our players and our legends of the Fall.

The passion we share for this sport often transcends other thoughts and emotions.

The Love for our school and team runs deep and so does our hatred for our rivals.

I know graduates of the University of Montana that will not stop for gas (or anything else for that matter) in Bozeman because it is the home of the Montana State Bobcats. Which I was told sucks.

I have met Missouri Tiger Fans that will drive an extra 100 miles, just so they don’t have to go through Kansas on the way to Nebraska.

According to the Missouri Tiger Fan: “Kansas is known as the Sunflower State.
There are three kinds of Sun in Kansas. Sunflowers…Sunshine…and Sons of Bi#@&*!

Our passion begins at birth and does not end with death.

This past year Lady Bird Johnson passed away near Austin Texas.

Please notice the Priests giving the “sign” in the below video……..

WARNING: If you are a Texas A&M Aggie or an Oklahoma Sooner; please skip the video and continue reading.

 That my friends….is Passion.

Enjoy Your Update!

 

TEAM NEWS

CINCINNATI: This past week BearKat quarterback Ben Mauk filed a lawsuit against the NCAA after the “organization” rejected the young mans final appeal for another year of eligibility.

The same day the lawsuit was filed, Hardin County Judge William Hart, in Mauk’s home area of Kenton, Ohio, granted a temporary restraining order that says the NCAA cannot prevent him from practicing with the BearKats.

The judge set an Aug. 22 hearing on Mauk’s request for a permanent injunction against the NCAA.

Mauk came back from career-threatening injuries to lead Cincinnati last year to a No. 17 ranking in the final poll. He passed for 31 touchdowns and 3,121 yards even though his right arm and shoulder were still in pain.

Mauk broke the arm and separated the shoulder in Wake Forest’s season opener in 2006, then transferred to Cincinnati.

He appealed to the NCAA for an extra year of eligibility because of the injuries, but was turned down.
A second appeal claiming he redshirted his freshman year at Wake Forest in part because of different injuries also was rejected.

Mauk then went to the NCAA’s reinstatement committee, which ruled last week there wasn’t enough medical documentation to support his claim that he missed his freshman year because of injury.
His lawsuit says it’s not his fault that files weren’t maintained.

The NCAA was disappointed by the ruling, a spokesman said:

“We look forward to explaining more fully our reasons for the decision and the careful review given not only by our staff but also by representatives from our member schools” spokesman Erik Christianson said in a statement.

Additionally the NCAA is threatening the University of Cincinnati with forfeiting their season if Ben Mauk even takes to the practice field.

EDITORS NOTE: Soooooo “other” member schools have a say-so in the rules and who is eligibile and who isn’t? Really? That is what I like to refer to as “A Damn Lie.”

NCAA: Don’t you all have something more important to do than screw with a quarterback in Cincinnati, like say for example….FINISH the INVESTIGATION into Reggie Bush and the Southern California Trojans?

FLORIDA STATE: Florida State defensive end Markus White returned to practice Friday, a day after suffering a seizure. FSU officals said that White takes medication to control an undisclosed medical condition and that Thursday was not the first time he had a seizure.

When Coach Bobby was asked if White should be playing under the circumstances, he replied; “Now listen, I have discussed this before and I still believe that you shouldn’t discriminate against anyone because of their skin color. I think there is a place on this team for Whites, Blacks, Hispanics and Lord what I would give to have an Asian Kicker, like that Polish kid we had a few years ago.”

EDITORS NOTE: If you look up “Dementia” in the 2008 Websters Dictionary, it says “See Bobby Bowden.”

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: It seems the Trojans have suffered a “rash” of injuries lately.
According to the Los Angeles Times over 25% of the Trojan team has been affected by Jock Itch.

Coach Pete Carroll told the Times that “he has never seen anything like the current outbreak” and is pointing the finger at the new compression shorts the team is wearing underneath their football pants.

EDITORS NOTE: Every other football team in America is wearing the new shorts and nobody has the same problem as the Trojans. Couldn’t be the Pink Thongs your team is wearing at practice? Right Coach?
(Please see the August 6th Update on your College Football Wizard)
No word yet on the status of the players affected or Coach Carroll’s yeast infection.

NOTRE DAME: Early last week Notre Dame Officals reported that Head Coach Charlie Weis had lost over 100 pounds during the off-season. Unfortunately Coach Charlie “turned around” and found it on Friday.

OLYMPICS: The Folks at NBC want you to believe that “The World is Coming to China” for the Olympic games. Really? So where is the Antarctica Beach Volleyball Team? My Point exactly….

 

EMAIL QUESTIONS and ANSWERS

Q: STOP saying that Coach Rod’s wife is a ten dollar Hooker! She IS NOT a TEN DOLLAR Hooker! Got it!
Anonymous - Ann Arbor, Michigan

A: Coach, I mean “anonymous”… I never said your wife was a ten dollar hooker.
I said your wife “looks” like a ten dollar hooker, acts like a ten dollar hooker and talks like a ten dollar hooker. Hope that cleared up any misunderstanding.

Q: Mike, it’s that time of year again, so I have to ask…What’s the difference between a Georgia Tech Cheerleader and a Pig?
P.S. How Bout them Dawgs!
Stan - Athens, Georgia

A: Stan, I would have to say about 25 pounds, a bad case of acne and Black and Gold painted toenails.

Q: Dear Sir: I am one of the Metaphysical Psychics hired by the University of Southern California Trojan football team to assist with the players delicate psychological balance.
Please desist with your negative comments concerning the Trojans, it is hurtful to the players.
Thank you.
Dr. Quan - Los Angeles, California

A: Wow, so you are a “mind reader”? Do you know what I am thinking right now?
If you guessed “The Trojans Suck”, you are right!

Q: Hey Mike! Could you tell me where I can find lingerie for a pig?
It’s not for me, honest! It’s for a friend.
Scooter - Lenoir City, Tennessee

A: I would suggest checking at Fredericks of Obknoxville.  

 

Only 12 Days until Kickoff……

Your College Football Picks for the first games of the season will be posted next weekend.

RTR
MEB

Ladies and Gentlemen -

I will apologize in advance as this may be your only update this week. However we do have some college football news to report and some Email Q & A to cover for your information and entertainment.

So let’s get to it shall we?

DUKE: A Kentucky judge has confirmed what Duke football fans have known for years: Their football team is as bad as it gets.

Bad enough that Louisville should have to find another football team to replace the Blue Devils without penalty after Duke pulled out of the final three games of a four game contract last season.

In a lawsuit filed late last year, Louisville asked for $450,000 dollars in damages and any additional damages the court saw fit to award.

But Duke’s lawyers argued that the Blue Devils performance on the field was so poor that any Division I team would suffice as a replacement. Duke is 6-45 over the past five years and 13-90 since 1999.

Simply put, eleven hamsters would provide a bigger challenge to an opposing team.

NOTRE DAME: How bad is your football program when your Athletic Director would leave for the same position at Duke? Well, the Fighting Irish Athletic Director Kevin White did that just last week.

EDITORS NOTE: This is a sure sign that you suck.

OLYMPICS: Believe it or not, in Las Vegas this week a group is meeting to determine who will represent the United States in an Olympic demonstration of “Rock-Paper-Scissors”, in hopes that this will become an actual Olympic event in the near future.

One gibbering idiot was quoted as saying: “The manual dexterity and mental acuity to be a champion in this sport is equal to any sport anywhere in the world.”

EDITORS NOTE: What are we going to hear next? Wang Chang Foo is the Mark Spitz of “Rock-Paper-Scissors”? Kill me now.

ALABAMA: This week starting linebacker and one time running back Jimmy Johns was arrested in a drug sting by local police on five counts of selling cocaine.

Coach Nick Saban immediately responded with this statement: “This type of behavior obviously will not be tolerated and he is no longer a part of our program.”

EDITORS NOTE: Please note that at no time did Coach Nick say “He was looking into it” or “Waiting for all the facts” or even mention giving Johns another chance.
For the fans in Tallahassee and Knoxville; this is how it is done.

NCAA: Just in case you were wondering. We are all STILL waiting to hear about the investigation into Reggie Bush and Southern California.

EMAIL Q and A

Q: You wrote that “Most California fans” are of the “fair weather” type. In your mind, what constitutes a fair weather fan?
Brad - La Jolla, California
A: There are alot of ways to determine a fair weather fan Brad. But lets take a look at the most noticeable.

If all your college game day wear STILL has the price tag on it and it hasn’t been washed and not because it’s “lucky”, then you are most certainly a “fair weather” fan.
In California Speak: If the brand new shirt fits, then I don’t have to acquit.

Q: Mike, couldn’t you at least “try” and be a fan of the University of Southern California Trojans?
Jenna - Los Angeles, California
A: I would rather play Twister with Rosie O’Donnell.

EDITORS NOTE: I made myself throw up with that visual, sorry.

Q: Hello? Ever heard of the Ivy League?
Roxanne -Ithaca, New York
A: No I haven’t and you want to know why? Because your marching bands suck. And as a side note: Your cheerleaders look like they could floss with a number two pencil.

Q: For your information San Jose State is a “big” in-state rivalry game with both the University of Southern California and the Golden Bears of California!
Juan - Berkeley, California
A: Has anybody ever gotten killed over the results of the football game or divorced over your team affiliations? Then it’s not a “Big” rivalry game dumbass.

Q: How dare you dismiss AI Day on Trojan gameday! Amensty International Day brought “awareness” to the plight of the political prisoners unlawfully detained in this country! I am sure that the concept of justice is too difficult for you to understand!
Stephan G. - Los Angeles, California
A: I understand a lot of things Stephan. For example, I understand that you are a wussy with too much time on your hands.  

Q: Why all the hostility towards California? Frankly it saddens me. I believe that if we just shake hands, it will send a message of hope and peace and understanding. What do you say?
Amarella Sanchez - Encinitas, California
A: Shaking hands with someone from southern California is like shaking hands with a damp Twizzler.

Only 64 Days until Kickoff………

RTR
MEB