Hey yawl it’s your ole buddy Hootie Snitch the number One Tennessee Volunteer Fan on the planet and I am madder than Hell!

Like everybody else I seen on the news and in the papers last week something that just frosted my ass!

At first I couldn’t believe what I was a seeing and then I got together with some other Tennessee fans from the trailer park here and they seen it too!

Hell Fire! It’s on all the local and cable news stations! I even seen the headlines in the Baneberry Tennessee paper! We all seen it and are mad enough to spit!

I can’t believe the nerve of those LSU fans and in particular their damn football coach!

Everybody knows they won the National Championship this past year, but there ain’t no need for some kind of special treatment just cause you all won the title!

And the LSU football Coach is a damn millionare! Why in the hell does he think the rest of us are going to go out of our way and drive to God knows where and do someting for him!

Well I am a asking you all to join me and say we ain’t a going to do it!

You all know what headlines I am a talking about too!

DUE TO HIGH GAS PRICES….
AMERICA IS DRIVING LESS MILES THIS SUMMER

Well by GOD I ain’t driving him nowwhere!

Hootie - Out!

Ladies and Gentlemen -

Just a quick update as I take off for my wife’s family reunion in the mountains of eastern Kentucky.
I hope to return with an accurate count of the mullets in attendance and a long awaited photo of my Sasquatch look-a-like sister-in-law. Ah Good times.

So without further ado let us get to this weeks news and reports from around the college football world.

FLORIDA STATE: Looks like it’s Deja vu all over again in Seminole Land.
Starting offensive tackle Daron Rose has been ruled ineligible for the 2008 football season due to academic reasons and will attend junior college in the fall.

Meanwhile, projected starting linebacker Marcus Ball was released from his scholarship as well for academic issues.

Coach Bobby will now start the season without Preston Parker (Who we discussed last week) Rose, Ball and another half dozen or so of his top players because of a classroom cheating scandal in a music history class.

EDITORS NOTE: Beyond anything else, let me state what you all are thinking.
What kind of dumbass has to cheat to pass a music history class?

OKLAHOMA: The Mighty Sooners and College Football lost one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time this past week when Jack Mildren passed away at age 58 after a long battle with cancer.

Mildren was the quarterback for the powerful Oklahoma wishbone offense in 1971 when the Sooners set an NCAA record that still stands today by averaging 472.4 rushing yards per game.

He will most certainly be missed.

TEXAS A&M: “Wanted: One Dog, MUST hate Orange.”
This classified add is straight from Aggie Land, as their beloved collie mascot Reveille VII is retiring and the Corps of Cadets are on the scent for a successor.

All candidates must be at least 18 months old. Puppies Need not apply.

EDITORS NOTE: You have GOT to love those Aggies.

FLORIDA: NEWS Flash from the University of Florida!
Tim Tebow is STILL the man; film at eleven.

EMAIL Questions and Answers

Q: Mike, my family and I just moved to central Florida from Pennsylvania. With all the different college football allegiances in the Sunshine state I have a question for you that I hope will keep me out of trouble with my new neighbors. What is the difference between a Florida State Seminole fan and a Miami Hurricane Fan?
Mark -Coco Beach, Florida
A: Mark I would say ten pounds of gold jewelry and a set of crunk teeth.

Q: Mike you were not joking! That Michigan Coach’s wife does look like a hooker! Do you think she will ever be shown on television?
Chuck - East Lansing, Michigan
A: I believe she will be on television. I am thinking “Rock of Love III”….

Q: Mike is there anyone out there in college football land that still believes that the University of Southern California “isn’t” getting perferential treatment by the NCAA?
Nick - Conway, South Carolina
A: Nick, I would say there is about as many people that believe that Reggie Bush and the Trojans are innocent as watch the “Best of Zamfir” Pan Flute CD infomercial at three o’clock in the morning.
In fact, I believe they are the same people.

Q: You’re the “Great College Football Prognosticator”, so what do you think about a Division I college football playoff? Inquiring minds want to know.
Stacy - Blackburg, Virginia
A: In the words of the immortal Coach Paul W. Bryant; “There is a playoff system in college football, it’s called the regular season.”

Whatever happened to Oklahoma playing Ohio State or Penn State and Alabama?

Instead we are forced to endure Florida State and Florida A&M or the “Mighty” Trojans of Southern California playing the Keebler Elves.

When real teams from real conferences will play a real schedule, then you won’t have a need for a playoff, the BCS, or Roy Kramer. Glad I could help.

Q: Mike you are obviously a Southeastern Conference guy. Tell me you will be pulling for Tennessee over UCLA in the first game of the season, right?
Todd - Tellico Plains, Tennessee
A: For me it’s like trying to decide who you want to win in a war between Iran and Syria.

Q: Mike does Duke University use some catchy phrase to promote their football program? Thanks!
Glen - Georgetown, Kentucky
A: They sure do Glen! It’s called “That thing that takes place between basketball seasons.”

Have a Great Week and remember only 92 days left until kickoff…..

RTR
MEB

Ladies and Gentlemen -

It has been a hectic week in college football since the CFB Wizard experienced some technical difficulties.

So, let’s catch up on the latest college football news from around the country.

FLORIDA STATE: From the “Here We Go Again” Department, Florida State wide receiver Preston Parker will have to sit out the “first two games” of the 2008 season after pleading guilty Monday to two misdemeanor charges.

You may remember that the the 21 year old Parker, the Seminoles Most Valuable Player last season, was arrested in April on a FELONY charge of having a loaded .45 caliber pistol in the dashboard of his car. This charge was reduced to a misdemeanor charge of carrying a concealed weapon. At the time of his arresst, Parker was ALSO charged with misdemeanor marijuana possession, to which he also pleaded guilty in Palm Beach County.

Coach Bobby Bowden had this to say concerning Preston Parker. “Preston made a very serious mistake, and there are consequences when one of our boys gets in trouble.”

EDITORS NOTE: I guess that all depends on your definition of “consequences.”

No word yet on how the lack of Parker’s services will effect the Seminoles in the first two games of the season as they prepare to play the South Georgia Taxidermy Academy and the Breaux Bridge Vietnamese Nail and Beauty College.

MISSISSIPPI STATE: Two “former” Bulldog players Michael Brown and Quinton Wesley were given suspended sentences for firing guns on campus in March of this year. Each will be on probation during the sentence and could serve jail time if they do meet all the requirements set forth by the court.

The reason I used the term “former” is because Coach Sylvestor Croom kicked them both off the team soon after the arrests; for good.

The Coach didn’t wait to talk with them, gather additional evidence or have his personal attorney meet with the witnesses. He never said “Boys will be Boys” or any number of other catchy phrases used from Tallahassee to Knoxville.

If you are thinking that “maybe” the players weren’t “that good” and that gave the Coach a good opportunity to “send a message” to the rest of the team; Think again.

Michael Brown was the Bulldogs best offensive lineman, a second team All-SEC selection and a likely early round pick in next years NFL Draft. He was even on the cover of the Mississippi State Spring Football Guide.

Quinton Wesley was projected starter on the defensive side of the ball and was last year’s defensive MVP Runner-up for the Bulldogs.

EDITORS NOTE: In case you were wondering, that my friends IS “Old School” discipline.

PENN STATE: Good News from Happy Valley. Jo Pa is out of the hospital after being treated for dehydration and is back to his usual routine of recruiting and preparing the Nittany Lions for the upcoming season.

EDITORS NOTE: Welcome Back Joe, you gave us a scare.

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: Recent revelations concerning “another” Trojan athlete have surfaced over improper payments and monetary inducements, this time within the basketball program. The investigation has “already” been conducted by the university and the findings presented to the conference and the NCAA.

So, why hasn’t the University of Southern California presented their “findings” yet to the PAC 10 Conference and the NCAA on the investigation into Reggie Bush and the Trojan Football program?

ESPN: Why are you all so quiet over the allegations involving Reggie Bush? Could it be the hefty football television contract with the PAC 10 Conference and the flagship football program of the conference?

The reason I ask is because any hint of alleged NCAA improprieties involving Southern universities and you all act like a bulldog with a new bone; you won’t leave it alone.

So, why are you all so quiet now?

NCAA: See Above

TENNESSEE: Many of you have written me concerning an entry into Wikipedia on Phil Fulmer. Specifically the section designated to his “Family.”

It states: “”Fulmer and his wife Vicky have three daughters Courtney, Brittany and Allison. Son Phillip Jr. is from a “previous relationship”.

I have received an untold number of requests recently for a picture of the illusive Phillip Junior since this startling revelation was uncovered and as you all know by now I never disappoint my fans.

Through an exhaustive clandestine investigation I present to you, the young Phil Fulmer Junior.

Enjoy your Memorial Weekend…..only 98 Days until Kick-Off.

RTR
MEB

Ladies and Gentlemen -

I must apologize for the recent interrruption of service of “Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator”.

What happened to cause the website to disappear from your web browser?

This past weekend I was forced to visit Mr. James “Hootie” Snitch, the self professed “Number One Vol Fan on the Planet”, for his latest update.

I had to visit him because he is no longer allowed to use the computer at the local library or the Food City in Baneberry Tennessee. It appears the management of both establishments “frowned” on Hootie drinking beer and cleaning his toenails while utilizing their computers. Imagine that?

So, as I was logging onto the website the following conversation went something like this……

MEB: You have your updates Hootie? What is that smell?

HOOTIE: Got em right cheer, say what does that button do?

MEB: Don’t touch that. Smells like somebody is boiling baloney.

HOOTIE: That’s my smell good, ain’t you ever heard of “High Karate”? What a happens if I press on that button?

MEB: You will jack-up the system. Just hang on I am almost finished downloading your update.

HOOTIE: Watch this……….

Then IT happened. Not only did the system shut down, but I had downloaded a virus onto the server.

Of course Hootie denies that he brought a virus into the system by saying; “Can’t be me, I ain’t been sick since the sixth grade.”

However, I do appreciate your patience and I hope to have everything back in order later this week.

Only 100 Days until kick-off………..

RTR
MEB

Hey Yawl, it’s me again James “Hootie” Snitch, and as you all should no by now unless you’ve been a living under a damn rock, I am the Number Damn One Tennessee Vol Fan on the Freaking Planet! GO VOLS! What’s his name let’s me right in here once a week, so thing will be fair and balanced.

Before we get into this weeks emails, I guess yawl want me to tell you why I tried to do that laser eye surgery on my cousin Ronnie with one of them laser pointers.

Well, if you ain’t never seen my cousin Ronnie, let me tell you, that boy has got a head like a catfish. His eyes are on the side of his head and they just kind of move around all by themselves, if you know what I mean. Hell, he even has two little whiskers that hang from his lip like a catfish.

So, I figured why not get me one of them laser pointers and hook ole Ronnie up. Couldn’t hurt his looks none.

Anyway, it didn’t work out so well, as you all have heard by now.
But at least it didn’t start no fire like the time we tried to cure momma’s cataracts by sticking her head in the microwave.

I know you wanting some answers to your questions so let’s get to my mail or as I like to call this part “Keep’n it Real with Hootie Snitch” (Thought that up myself, catchy ain’t it?)

Q: Hootie, did you do anything special to celebrate Cinco de Mayo? Just wondering!
Maria - El Paso, Texas
A: What kind of question is that? Why would I celebrate something that means “Pass the Mayo”? Besides we are gettin all geared up for the Big Celebration; Johnny Majors Birthday is the 21st of May!

Q: Sorry to hear about your “accident” Hootie. Did you do anything “interesting” during your recuperation?
Stan - Athens, Georgia
A: Thanks, yeah I took myself a trip, but boy was I ever disappointed.
I heard about this thing in Arkansas called the “Toad Suck” festival, so I headed off down there last weekend, thinking; get myself a t-shirt, suck on a toad or two to catch a buzz, then weave my way back to Casa Da Hootie in Baneberry Tennessee. Wrong.

They didn’t have no Toad Sucking or nothing; it’s a family thing, which kind of ruled out what I had planned. I ain’t kidding neither, see for yourself, their site is right here.
http://www.toadsuck.org/

Q: I have a question for you that I hope you can answer. Tennessee Quarterback Jonathan Crompton recently completed spring training but required extensive elbow surgery following the Orange and White Game. Will he be ready in time to start the season?
Stephen - Cookeville, Tennessee
A: You come to the right place; Nobody knows more about the Vols than Me! I have on good authority that the surgery you was talking about didn’t have nothing to do with his elbow.
I will let you all in on a little secret, you ready? Coach Phil had Jonathan’s throwing arm extended another 12 inches or so and they put an extra thumb on his hand too!
I hear that boy will be able to throw the football a damn MILE!

Q: Dear Sir, some of my classmates and I are planning to make the “road trip” from Northern Illinois University next year on October 4th to watch the Huskies play the Volunteers of Tennessee.
We want to do some cool things while we are in Knoxville and have looked up a number of things online and are wondering if you could answer a question for us.
What happens at a “Tennessee Ho Down”?
Jake - DeKalb, Illinois
A: Some smartass calls 911, the police show up and some innocent man goes to jail.

Q: This question is for Hootie. Will you please explain for me and the other readers how you are related to Coach Phil Fulmer at the University of Tennessee? Thanks.
Gary - Nashville, Tennessee
A: Be glad to Gary. My Daddy’s last name is Snitch, as you probably figured out on your own. My Momma’s last name before she married my daddy was Ratt; like the GREATEST Rock Band that ever lived! Ratt Rocks! So anyway, everybody says that Coach Fulmer is a “Snitch and a Ratt”, at least thats what we heard. So, we is proud that he is our kin, cause every Snitch and Ratt I know are Tennessee Vol fans, thru and thru! Hell Yeah!

Q: You sir sound like an illiterate Neanderthal with your insistant ramblings. I don’t know how you got past the third grade?
Brenda - Gainesville, Florida
A: You damn Gator fans don’t know nothing! You are way off on both counts! For your information I am a Baptist and I got myself a degree in educashon from the University of Tennessee.

Some of yawl have asked who I am supporting in the big political race this year.
I believe the choice is simple.
I am throwing all my support behind the only person qualified for the job.
There is only one choice for Sheriff of Knox County for me!

Hootie - Out!

Ladies and Gentlemen -

It’s time for our last installment of the College Football Spring Game Tour.

I know, I am kind of sad about it too, but we only have 112 days until Kick-off…and we will continue to bring you the latest breaking news from the practice fields and coach’s clinics right up until the start of the 2008 season.

Before we roll into the final leg of our College Football Spring Tour let’s discuss some College Football news from San Diego, Baton Rouge and the upcoming 2008 Bowl Season.

It seems the judge in the civil suit against Reggie Bush by his one time sports agent and benefactor Lloyd Lake will be open to the public and not held behind closed doors as Reggie and his lawyers requested.

My favorite statement in the article by the San Diego writer: “Reggie Bush has not cooperated with the NCAA Investigation.” NOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooo Really?

Whatever happened to the NCAA branding someone a “Hostile Witness” for failing to cooperate and finding the individual and university guilty on all counts because of their “failure” to cooperate?
See for yourself:
http://www.signonsandiego.com/sports/nfl/20080503-9999-1s3bush.html

Great News College Bowl Lovers! Two “New” Bowl games have been added to the schedule for 2008!

We have the St. Petersburg Bowl, that’s in Florida, not Russia and the other new Bowl game is in Washington D.C. Which I presume is going to be called the “Bulletproof Vest and Ballistic Shield Bowl”, because that’s what you are going to need if you travel to downtown D.C. at night.

LSU: (UPDATE) Let’s not mince words here or use some cute sports metaphor to describe the recent dismissal by Coach Les Miles.

Tiger quarterback Ryan Perrilloux has been dismissed from the LSU Tiger football team for being a self-serving, “It’s all about me” jackass, that clearly can’t take any direction from his coaches.
I hope that cleared it up for everybody.

AUBURN: Tommy’s Tigers will once again field what could possibly be the class of the SEC West with new offensive and defensive coordinators and an outstanding crop of young players reporting to the plains.
Also, from the “Little Known Fact” Department, Coach Tommy Tuberville’s ears are so big that he can actually hear your thoughts.

MIAMI (FLA): The Hurricanes just don’t seem like the Miami of old without all the felony arrests, you know kind of like the Tennessee and Florida State of today. But they are none the less building a team that will contend for the Atlantic Coast Conference Title, in a couple of years.

WASHINGTON: The Huskies will be much better than they were a year ago, but they are still a long way from the Glory Years of yesterday. And as a side note; I have nothing against the current coaching staff or athletic administration, but I still miss Coach James.

BEST QUOTE OF YESTERDAY: Coach Woody Hayes, The Ohio State University
” There is nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you.”

ILLINOIS:Coach Zook and The Fighting Pumpkins will make a serious run at the Big Ten, I mean Eleven Title this year, but will come up short to the mighty Buckeyes of Ohio State. Believe it.

ARKANSAS: Coach Bobby Petrino will have to wait another year before prized transfer Ryan Mallet from Michigan will be able to suit up for the Razorbacks, as the NCAA ruled the young man ineligible for the 2008 football season.

A visibly disappointed Coach Petrino told the local Fayetteville media that the quarterback position will now be determined through an intense round of “Rock-Paper-Scissors.”

EDITORS NOTE: The funny thing is Coach Petrino actually thought the NCAA was going to be “fair” concerning this situation. That’s almost as funny as when the NCAA uses the word “academics.”

TEXAS TECH: The Red Raiders (Get Those Guns UP!) are primed and ready for a breakout year and challenge everyone for the Big 12 title. This year they will throw more passes than Bill Clinton at a Church picnic.
Count on it.

KENTUCKY: Trying to replace Andre Woodson at quarterback will be harder than trying to find a Wildcat fan that actually cares about football season. Impossible? No. Difficult? Yes.

BOSTON COLLEGE: Seriously, Do you care? I didn’t think so, me either.

RUTGERS: (See above)

PITTSBURGH: (See Rutgers and Boston College)

WISCONSIN: The fact that the Badgers always have a competitive program capable of beating anybody on any given Saturday just goes to show you that cheese isn’t as bad for you as some scientist would have you believe.

MISSOURI: The Tigers return quarterback Chase Daniels and that should be good enough with the surrounding cast to get them to a top tier bowl game, but a ten or eleven win season?
Never.

CALIFORNIA: (Please see either Boston College, Rutgers or Pittsburgh)

NOTRE DAME: This season you can expect to see “All” of the Fighting Irish’s games on NBC, which of course stands for No Body Cares.

COACH’S QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Coach Sylvester Croom, Mississippi State University
“I have got a fever and the only prescription……is MORE Cowbell.”

MINNESOTA: I don’t have anything to report on the team this spring, but I did find out an interesting fact. The “Golden Gopher” mascot of Minnesota is “not” a groundhog as I had orginally thought.

In actuality, it is someone from your office or work place that is always willing to go get lunch for the staff and pay for it themselves.

I hope this cleared up any misunderstanding.

SOUTH CAROLINA: Can Coach Steve have a quarterback that doesn’t get arrested or suspended?
Come on, there just isn’t that much to do in Columbia!

Expect this kind of drain on the Ole Ball Coach to have him go into retirement within two seasons. Remember you heard it here first.

TEXAS A&M: Coach Mike Sherman better hit the ground running at Kyle Field. If he thinks the Green Bay fans were disagreeable after a loss, he hasn’t seen anything yet. Welcome to Aggieland.

Hootie Snitch will wrap up the week tomorrow with a round of emails.

Have a great weekend and if you are in need of a getaway there is no better place on the planet to escape than with my friends at the Stony Brook Chalets in Gatlinburg.

Check them out and tell them Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator sent you.
http://www.stonybrooklodging.com/

EDITORS NOTE: In case you were wondering; “Yes”, that was a shameless plug.

RTR
MEB

Ladies and Gentlemen -

I will be conducting the “Tuesday Q/A” this week, because Hootie Snitch is still recuperating from his failed attempt at performing laser eye surgery on his cousin Ronnie with a laser pointer.

For those of you that are concerned or are just joining us; This is all Hootie Snitch, the self professed “Greatest Tennessee Vol fan on the planet!”, would share concerning this particular incident.

While attempting to place Ronnie’s head in a bench vice to prevent him from “flinching” during the “surgery”, Ronnie inadvertently kicked Hootie square in the jimmy, thus rendering him incapable of carrying out the laser eye procedure on Ronnie.

Ronnie was attended by a local taxidermist that “sewed his ear back on” after Ronnie forced his head out of the vice losing his ear in the process and Hootie is resting comfortably at home icing his personal business.

Hootie also wanted me to share a “safety tip” with “all his fans”: “If you have to put somebody’s head in a bench vice, get them liquored up first.”
EDITORS NOTE: Wise words.

Any further medical discussions concerning this incident or other medical related questions will take place on my new website; “Turn your Head and Cough with Doctor Mike.”

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s get to this week’s Questions and Answers, Shall we?

Q: Mike the Husker Nation is really excited this year with Coach Bo at the helm! But I have to ask you, what will it take to win this year and get the Huskers back in the hunt for the Big 12 Championship?
Tommy - Lincoln, Nebraska
A: In the words of Coach Paul “Bear” Bryant: “The same things win that always won; we just have have a different bunch of excuses if we lose.” Enough said.

Q: Mike, my company recently relocated my family and I to Baton Rouge Louisiana from Illinois and I CANNOT believe the LSU Tiger fans here! My neighbors on the street were we live are STILL celebrating the National Championship! How much longer can I expect the “Party” to last?
Anthony - (Formerly of Clinton, Illinois) Baton Rouge, Louisiana
A: If I were you Anthony I would strap myself and my family in for the long haul. I know some Tiger fans that celebrated the 1958 LSU “Chinese Bandits” Championship right up until the 2001 Sugar Bowl.
Welcome to the Southeastern Conference.

Q: Dear Sir, my family and I drove through Tennessee and Kentucky recently to attend a college baseball game in Athens Georgia and I couldn’t help but notice that none of the drivers in those respective areas had their headlights on while they were driving. Not even in the dark!
Is there a reason for this?
James - Dayton, Ohio
A: Yes James there is a reason. The drivers in the respective areas you mentioned are afraid that having their headlights on will increase their electric bills.

Q: Mike, I heard that during the Tennessee Orange and White Game Coach Fulmer’s wife “went off” on some of the local sports writers for publishing negative articles on the Coach’s continuing lack of discipline with the Volunteer players. Is that true and who is “really” in charge of that family?
Steve - Spartanburg, South Carolina
A: I have not heard about that incident Steve, but I can assure you that Coach Fulmer wears the bra in that family.

Q: Listen Mister, Coach Rod’s wife is NOT a hooker!?
I don’t know what you are smoking but she is NOT a Hooker! Got it?
Anonymous -Ann Arbor, Michigan
A: Well, “anonymous” if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck……

Q: Mike, would you ever consider writing an article on another sport, say like the NBA?
Thanks!
Johnny -Madison, Wisconsin
A: Why in the Holy name of Vince Dooley would I write about something as stupid as the NBA?
A sport that lasts 12 and a half months out of the year and “everybody” makes the playoffs?
Let me sum this up for you Johnny, if the folks that run the NBA were in charge of WWII, we would still be fighting the Germans and the Japanese.

Q: Mike, I have a question for you. How many Duke students does it take to change a light bulb?
Paul - Lexington, Kentucky
A: At Duke it takes Eight.
One to screw it in and seven to discuss how much brighter it shines during basketball season.
EDITORS NOTE: I can do this all day.

Q: YOU a damn Lie! That damn picture of Coach Fulmer you put in that thing is wrong and you know it! We know for a fact that Coach Phil is the third largest mammal to walk upright! We know cause we seen it!
That guy from Kansas ain’t nothing but Coach Phil’s mini-me!
Sam and Delores - Peyton Manning Trailer Park, Dunlap, Tennessee
A: I knew that the OBknoxville Zoo named the “new” baby hippopotamus after Coach Fulmer (Which is now called the “Phat-Phil-Opotamus” in case anyone was wondering), But I had no idea that he is now large enough to have his own zip code.
My Mistake.

Thursday we finish up our final installment of the College Football Spring Tour and Friday your favorite Tennessee Vol Fan, Mr Hootie Snitch will wrap up the week.

Only 114 days until Kick-off…..

RTR
MEB

Like many of you I have been very concerned over the rash of earthquakes taking place throughout my beloved South, Midwest and most recently in California.
Although I am neither a geologist nor an earthquake specialist I embarked on a personnel mission to determine the cause of this potentially deadly trend, which could threaten not only our very way of life but the entire 2008 College Football Season.

I am proud to report that I have isolated the source of the seismic activity!

Below is an untouched photograph of Coach Mark Mangino of the University of Kansas celebrating another year of beating anorexia by body slamming Phil Fulmer.

Ladies and Gentlemen -

It’s time for our next to last installment of our College Football Spring Game Tour.
We have quite a few college football teams to examine along with the latest news from the practice fields, so let’s not waste any more time here.

Only 121 Days until Kick-off…..
Enjoy

LSU: The Reining National Champion Bayou Bengals may have lost some key players due to graduation and the NFL draft, but make no mistake. If Coach Miles can keep his star Quarterback in school and out of jail they will be contending once again for the Southeastern Conference title. Believe it.

TEXAS: New coordinators abound in Austin and quarterback Colt McCoy is healthy, need I say more?
The Longhorns are poised to take the Big 12 for the first time since Saint Vince brought home the National Championship.

OREGON: I don’t care and neither should you.

BEST PLAYER QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Florida State wide receiver Preston Parker and last years MVP for the Seminoles on his recent arrest on weapon and drug charges.
“At least like, I wasn’t tasered, like you know some players.”
EDITORS NOTE: At least you have that going for you.

VIRGINIA TECH: Enter the Sandman….The Hokies are loaded and if they can squeak by Clemson, they will have a shot at the Atlantic Coast Conference Championship.

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: Coach Carroll decided to make the Trojan spring game “Fun and Interactive” for the players and fans this year by having the players “Bring Your Sports Agent to the Game” which was sponsored by the Lexis Dealers of Southern California and the Reggie Bush Foundation.
SHHHHhhhhhhhhhh don’t tell the NCAA.

PENN STATE: After Jo Pa earned some “street credit” with his young players after a traffic altercation last year, he has dedicated himself to forming a tougher defense than previous seasons.
No word yet on when Jo Pa will release his Rap album.

UCLA: (See Oregon)

OHIO STATE: The Buckeyes were not suppose to even contend for the Big Ten, I mean Eleven title last year much less make a run at the National Championship. This year all the pieces of the elusive puzzle are in place with key players returning at almost every position and remember you heard it hear first……The Buckeyes will make a run at the title. Believe it.

GEORGIA: The Showdown with the Mighty Gators at the “Worlds Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party” may very well decide who will contend for the Southeastern Conference Championship…and beyond.
EDITORS NOTE: You didn’t really think I was going to leave UGA without a…..
HOW BOUT THEM DAWGS!

NEBRASKA: 80,000 Husker Fans “paid” to see the spring game in Lincoln.
The Black Shirts may not be all the way back…but they are getting there in a hurry.

LOUISVILLE: Coach Steve Kragthorpe (Whose last name will be pronounced “Fired” if he doesn’t do a better job coaching than he did last season) spent the majority of the spring football practice teaching the Cardinals how to spell “D-E-F-E-N-S-E”.

COACH’S QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Coach Paul Johnson, Georgia Tech
“What the Hell? I thought I was coaching THE University of Georgia……..O’ God is this ever going to suck.”
EDITORS NOTE: Yes it will coach, it most certainly will.

WEST VIRGINIA: The Mountaineer fans are stocking up on furniture and lighter fluid this off-season in anticipation of another run at the Big East title under a real West Virginia coach.
EDITORS NOTE: I still don’t understand the concept of burning your own furniture after your team wins a game. I support it, but I don’t understand it.

LASALLE & MARIST: I understand both ladies had their hair done and hope to lose some weight this spring and summer and have a better outlook on life for the 2008 season.
Which is nice.

IVY LEAGUE: (Please see UCLA and Oregon)

Later this week Hootie Snitch will return to answer your email questions before we wrap up the College Football Spring Game Tour.

RTR
MEB

I am often asked who is the most exciting college football player in the country.

This brief tribute is dedicated to a young man who would have been preparing for his senior season in 2008.
Unfortunately due to an injury early in his college career, he will never play football again.

I don’t care what team you are a fan of, you have to admire the grit and determination and be amazed by….
“The Catch”.
So, to answer the question: This young man is the most electrifying player I have seen in a very long time.

More News from Spring Football Next Week…..This should keep you motivated until then.

RTR
MEB